A “Review” of the Winter Formal
February 19, 2016
If you are a 7th or 8th Grader (or have the reading comprehension skills of a 7-8th grader), don’t bother reading this. You didn’t go. Wait for the Spring Formal. I think it’s some time in May.
I don’t know about anyone else, but when I saw the word “Formal” in the title “Winter Formal,” I imagined a ballroom-type, formal dancing sort of thing. The Winter Formal was a standard PCS Dance except that we got to wear our fancy suits and dresses (or whatever you see first in your closet {Jack Peters}).
The Winter Formal, along with every single PCS Dance since the dawn of time, had three types of people:
- People who dance -Tryhard
- People who pretend to dance/somewhat dance -Equivocator
- People who don’t even pretend to dance -Party Pooper
For the graphically inclined, or the personally unaware, or the people in denial of their own status, I have created a picture that tells you which category you fall in, regardless of where you think you actually are.
I will not lie. I fall in the second and third category. I thought that the Winter Formal was going to be more of a ballroom dance that I, a musician, could at least partially comprehend, so I came to the Formal intending to be category A. I slid straight into category C in about 30 seconds, and bounced between B and C for the entire rest of the Formal (I was in category A once). P.S. If you can’t read the map, the editors failed at their job of making my work acceptable for public consumption.
Using my Ph.D. in human psychology, I have created a comparison chart of everyone’s opinions about everyone else. Please note that this graph is 100% completely accurate, so if you think it’s wrong, it’s actually you who is misinformed.
| Vudian Psychoanalysis | You are: A | You are: B | You are: C |
| Your opinion of: A | Yay! Other people to enjoy the Winter Formal with | People who actually dance? Oh well | People who pretend to dance and have fun |
| Your opinion of: B | People who are unusually restrained in their dancing | Fellow people to pretend to dance and talk with | People who don’t admit they’re not going to dance |
| Your opinion of: C | Party Poopers. Why’d they even come? | At least pretend to dance… | Fellow non-dancers, unite! |
As with all school dances, and all school events ever, all the pictures you’re going to see of the dance are people in category A, or people who are thoroughly enjoying the dance.
The one part that I am not qualified to write about in the dance is the music. I personally have no idea what the quality of the music is. All music after the year 1950 sounds the same to me. Lots of loud synthetic sounds and people screaming/singing at a microphone.
If you wanted an actual review of the Winter Formal, just ask someone who went to it (probably someone besides me).
