Vu’s Views: Frequently Asked Questions about the Violin

Vu%27s+Views%3A+Frequently+Asked+Questions+about+the+Violin

Andrew Vu

Dear Reader,

I get a lot of questions about violin in general, so I figured I would make a FAQ for the violin.

Q: Should violinists sacrificially kill their cat for strings, or will any cat killed in any method suffice?

A: Although traditionally, cats have been sacrificed in an ritual for their guts, in modern times, usually any cat killed in any way will work. I personally recommend 100% Grass-fed organic cats, as they have the best gut quality.

Q: Do violinists ever use their violin bow as a real bow (like a bow and arrow)?

A: Sometimes, but the specific thickness and width of the bow makes violin bows more suitable for crossbows (or ballistas, in the case of the bass bow)

Q: Do violinists develop calluses on the tips of their left hand fingers?

A: They would, except that all violinists are required to go through an endurance course, where they hit the table repeatedly with their fingers for five hour sessions until they develop calluses that toughen their fingers.

Q: Is violin hard?

A: Clearly you have not talked to anyone in Strings 1 recently. If you haven’t, don’t; you may be deafened by their screams of frustration.

Q: Do people have to challenge the concertmaster (the lead violinist) to a duel to take their place?

A: Of course you do! This is the 21st century, after all! We don’t do any of those barbaric re-auditions or any such non-sense anymore. What do you think we are, savages?

Q: [Any question regarding viola]

A: HAHAHAHAHA

Q: Are you insane?

A: Maybe